under my wing

sometimes i think i just don't much like other people's kids.
this is a truly awful thing to say, especially for a preschool teacher and children's ministry director. i mean, i do love children. especially as a general rose-colored concept. and i wrote that first sentence off the top of my head, but now that i think about it, it goes for my teaching world, too.
let me explain. (i'd better do that. :)
first of all, my own personal children i gave birth to (and nursed for hours on end, and walked screaming around the house at two in the morning) (they were screaming, not me).
when other small and noisy children are playing with them (which does happen occasionally), i become very enamoured of my own children. i think how sweet and small and precious they are, and even when sunny's not sharing (which is often), and part of me is frustrated and trying to discipline him, part of me just wishes the other kids would give him back his toys and leave him alone. (this is not very christian of me, i'm sure).
and things that kind of gross me out about other children - snotty noses, dirty faces, bed head hair, untied shoes - the list goes on and on - i just pass over in my own little ones. for other children i think: why can't their mothers make them presentable? and for my own children i think: they are beautiful just the way they are.
and the odd thing is, this extrapolates to my classes, too. every year i've taught, i've looked at the other teacher's classes and thought: my kids are cuter/sweeter/smarter. there's no way i could love their classes like i love mine.
and i would think these things even after tearing my hear out over my own class all morning, even after they ran (not walked) all the way to the playground. i'd stand there and watch all of the children and think: i'm glad these are mine.
maybe it has to do with a sense of ownership - for lack of a better word. that's not exactly what i mean, and it sounds awfully overbearing. but i think it has to do more with relationship. as i really get to know children, i grow to feel protective of them. i get to know their little quirks. what works, what doesn't. who likes popcorn for snack, and who will only drink water from a sippy cup. who gets scared, and who will jump off of the top of the slide if you're not watching.
i get to know them. and i get to love them.
my classes, my church kids, my after-school girls....
and how much more, then, my own children.
and while i don't ever show these emotions in public, i do feel a little guilty. for not liking other children more.
but maybe it's not that i don't like those other children. maybe it's just the affection that i feel for the ones under my wing far outstrips anything else.
i guess we're just made that way - to love our own children best.
that's why God gave them to us in the first place, right?