guilty pleasures

i begin to wonder if i have lost the ability to exercise self control over my media and myself.
jon is gone tonight, one of the very rare nights he will be out quite late (after 11), and the children are in bed (nestled all snug in their beds), and i'm tired from a week of sickness and busy-ness and generally being the mommy of a toddler and an infant - PLUS i have an all-day workshop for school tomorrow that i have to leave at 7 for - and i still am not in bed. i wonder if having jon around to talk to structures my nights somehow, or if he keeps me accountable to my schedule (he has this annoying - yet oddly helpful - habit of asking, from bed,"what are you DOING?" whenever i spend late night time on something instead of sweet sleep - reading the stupid yahoo headline stories, for example, or the momblogs on parent center, or any other random browsing of the internet, or watching hg or tlc shows, or other pleasurable activities for people with lots of extra time on their hands - in other words, NOT ME)....
but anyway, when he's not around i have absolutely no self control. i just surf all i want on the internet and often watch tivo'd shows from way back that i can't ever get to and even read whatever i'm currently working on late into the night. and while all of this sounds enjoyable, it feels firstly illegal (in some strange subconscious way) and secondly unproductive and thirdly, when i have to get up at 5:45 the next morning, really, really stupid.
and while blogging emphatically does not fall into the "what are you DOING" category, blogging after a long night of random media activity verges on the irresponsible.
plus, i'm tired. and i really do have to get up at 5:45.
so i guess i'll call it a night. sweet dreams.