thinking out loud

i've been really grumpy the last couple of days. i haven't blogged it, because who wants to read whining? but i've got this kind of just yucky mood hanging over me... feeling like life is just steadily plodding on, with not a lot to look forward to except more dishes and laundry. :) i need some kind of change or excitement or recharge.... maybe a trip to hawaii would do it. :) but life is generally good - it's just me and my attitude that need adjusting. i actually wrote a whole bitter post yesterday and deleted it in favor of something else. which is a little dangerous, because i don't always like what i write, and it's not always compelling or interesting. i would be in danger of deleting everything every day if i was always worried about what people would think about me or my children or even my writing. i mean, how many sunny stories can one person take? i can tell them for hours, but that doesn't mean anyone's listening.
but last night why i made some comment about talking to the walls because i get tired of toddler conversation all day, amy said, " that's why you have your blog." and truth be told, it is to a large extent why i write on here so much. i committed to myself to try and write every day, because then it becomes routine and automatic. and whether or not anyone reads it or cares, it gets me out of my own head a bit, which for me is invaluable. and if some day my sweet children want to read it all and know what it was like from my point of view, so much the better. if every once in a while i make someone laugh or think or feel more connected to me and mine, that's a little bonus. :)
i have a sister and brother-in-law in germany, parents and in-laws in arizona and florida, and friends and relatives scattered all over the country. hello and love to all you guys. thanks for reading. :)
ok, i feel a little better now.