sunny is really sick. it's just a virus, apparently, but he won't eat anything - even ice cream - and his fever keeps spiking up to 103 and 104, even with motrin. he has these strange spurts of energy where he'll act totally normal, and then he'll be really oddly lethargic and just sit staring off into space. tonight he wouldn't get out of the bath for almost 45 minutes. i'm sure it felt good to him in there... the last 20 minutes he wasn't doing anything, just sitting. i had to keep my eye on him - i was kind of scared he was going to pass out or something.
i think it may be a version of what sailor had in tucson. i really hope so, or else we're going to have to deal with the same thing with her in a couple of days.
but tonight i was home alone without a car, and the afternoon was really really long, and when his fever spiked after the bath i got kind of panicky.
i've always wanted to be the kind of woman who could weather a crisis calmly. you know, the one who shoulders the world with a smile, the one you can rely on in a storm.
unfortunately, i appear to be the kind of woman who cries on the phone to her husband because she can't drive to walgreens to get more medicine, and her son is burning hot to the touch with a glazed-over expression on his face. sunny cried, i cried. what a stupid helpless feeling to have a very sick child and not be able to fix it.
i want sunny to remember me as a capable, confidant person. not one who goes to pieces because the numbers on the thermometer are too high.
i guess i'll have to work on that.

anyway, he's in bed now, and i think a little - a little - cooler to the touch. jon called our neighbor across the street, who threw on clothes and drove to walgreens for me. (thank God for neighbors who come through in a pinch. another set lent me a car this morning to drive sunny to the doctor's.) i'm going to take a deep breath and go lay down.
maybe tomorrow will be better.
good night.