words

sailor has been sick.

really sick.

probably sicker and for longer than she has been in her life.

you see, sailor has the flu. the "real" flu, the kind you test for and take tamiflu for (if you see a doctor within 48 hours, which we did not). she has been spiking fevers of up to 104 ever since late tuesday night. (for those keeping track, as of tonight that will be five days.) i am praying she will get better soon. SOON, because it's hard to see her so listless and mopey.

i am also praying that sunny and i, the other two members of the family without a flu shot, will not get sick.

next year, we are all getting flu shots. regardless.

i have been feeling really badly about that, about not getting her a flu shot. it was just one of those things i intended to do but never got around to (like mailing christmas cards. or organizing the garage). it is added to the list of things i worry about a lot, which includes things like "can sunny survive on a diet of chicken nuggets" and "will sailor be scarred for life if i don't play dollhouse with her every time she asks."

but the reason for this post is not just to let you know that sailor is sick.

my sister, for several years now, has felt like God has given her a word for the year. "peace," for instance, was one year. this year her word was "grace."

i feel like i have been given two words (so far) for this year.

the first word is PERSEVERE. we have been going through a particularly difficult time over the last few weeks, and there was a short period of time about a month ago that i really just wanted for our whole family to pick up and go somewhere else. anywhere else, really, as long as it wasn't this place, with all of its particular battles and people. and God told me: persevere. hang on. push through. so we have, and we are, and just like sailor with the flu, we persevere.

the second word is RELAX.

go ahead and laugh. it's kind of funny, really, that i feel like God is telling me to relax. and not just take time to breathe deeply; i think i'm supposed to truly surrender all of those worries that run through my head at night. sunny will be ok, even if he eats mostly chicken nuggets. sailor will recover from the flu. and even if i do get sick (this is my biggest fear right now), it will be ok in the end. i'll get better, after all, and life will go on.

relax.

so i'm writing to tell you that sailor is sick, and i'm pretty upset about that. but i am going to do my best to persevere, and relax. like i'm supposed to.

and next year i WILL get everyone a flu shot. ;)