terrible twos

so i know everyone would like her child to be perfect. i know it, i know it, i know it. but i would REALLY REALLY like my child to be perfect. or, at least, i would really like for my child to not throw temper tantrums in public places where everyone can see. or, even worse, in semi-public places like MY PRESCHOOL where people know me and know that i am a teacher and can think things like, wow, she can't even control her own child, how on earth can she manage a classroom. honestly, i can manage a classroom very well, thank you. i just can't manage my child.
i think the key word there is control. you see, you cannot wholly control another human being. this is true for classrooms and for parenting. you can create situations where it is of the utmost desirability for a child (or spouse, or coworker, or whoever) to do what you want them to do, but some things you have no control over.
gulp.
i'm not talking about forcing a child to put on a jacket when it's cold outside. i'm talking about -
well, i'm actually talking about sunny's christmas party today, where there was a book exchange, and all of the children sat in a circle and played a round the circle game with books, and sunny cried and cried because he REALLY REALLY wanted the big bright elmo book the boy next to him got to open, and not the little cat in the hat he ended up with. he carried on so much we had to take him out of the classroom until he calmed down.
now, i can understand that he wanted the elmo book. heck, I wanted the elmo book. but there are a few key problems here.
first, really, he should be thankful to get any book at all.
secondly, he needs to understand that he can't always have what he wants.
thirdly, well, thirdly, his mamma has a big old case of parenting ego and hates the fact that her child WAS THE ONLY ONE who had a problem with this whole process. THE ONLY ONE who had to be removed kicking and screaming from the classroom.
so now i wonder....
is he spoiled?
(possibly a little)
is he selfish? (yes, of course. but so are we all.)
do i have unrealistic expectations for a tired boy wired on sugar who is just two and a half?
(fill in your own answer here)
so i couldn't control his behavior in the classroom. as hard as i tried, i couldn't stop the tears and the frustration. what i could do, though, was take him outside to calm down, explain to him that he behavior was unacceptable, and have him apologize to his teachers.
honestly, sometimes i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing here. i know how to talk to a preschooler. i know how to diffuse a difficult situation between children. i can make a room of 14 three year olds listen and respond and function as a well-organized unit.
and yet....
and yet....
i love my sweet sunny boy. i hope and pray that one day he will understand that we should be thankful for all gifts, not just the cool ones our friends get. that we can't always have everything we want. and that throwing a tantrum is not the best way to get it. but i can't force these realizations on him. i can guide, i can teach, i can model, and i can discipline... but ultimately, the decision about how he acts is his. i pray that he makes it well.